Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize