maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
