The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
