Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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