im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
