shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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