Non-Jews are for practice
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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