lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
