im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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