Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
