i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
