I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
