Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Boobs speak an international language.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
