Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize