in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
