I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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