One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
