I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
