wat bout pragnant strippers??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
