If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
