Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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