Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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