3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
