I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
