I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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