Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no, he came in my armpit
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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