i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My penis needs a shock collar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
