shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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