just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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