i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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