White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
