grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
