Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So apparently I’m into choking now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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