dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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