I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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