why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
