You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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