we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
