i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
