we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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