i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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