i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
