why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
