her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
