White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
