Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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