She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize