"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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