I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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