This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
