I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
