i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
