Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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