my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
