haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize