Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
