...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
