I've blown a few things in my day
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
