i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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