so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
