I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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