Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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