Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
