Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
