he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
