I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
