i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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