A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
