so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
