wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
