Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
