i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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