I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
