So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
