He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
